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Let It All Fall Apart!

by Robert Hanuman

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1.
I don’t understand the world around me I don’t know where I’m at or where I’m supposed to be I never felt really connected I always feel so unprotected I wish I could grasp the purpose of everything It is so stressful all this thinking, it is confusing How do I get through my life? If I’m not this or that, then who am I? I have never felt like I fit in I feel like an alien with nothing to bring in I’m making myself appear normal but I don’t care I’m wandering through the crowd but I don’t really want to be there What the hell is going on here? It’s like I live in a perpetual comedy I long for truth, can you tell me what is real here Or is there really something wrong with me? Is there really something wrong with me? Is there really something wrong? you have to make the most of it, that’s what they say but I don’t know how to do it, don’t know the way how others perceive the world I don’t know I try to walk without leaving a trace in the snow I have never felt like I fit in I feel like an alien with nothing to bring in I’m making myself appear normal but I don’t care I’m wandering through the crowd but I don’t really want to be there
2.
Oh this very simple message ’s the most familiar the most ordinary knowing but so easily overlooked we’re so used to complicate things that it ca(aa)n seem so difficult to hear this and to know this simple pointing to the truth cos we look for something extra and we look for something out there in the future as if we need to fix something as if we really miss a wing but its very very simple and its very very ooordinary and it’s very very natural no it’s nothing special And all the things that we’ve picked up before perfection we don’t stop It’s an endless road to an imaginary top Oh we might have changed our looks and we might have read some books but soon we’ll be worn out from the effort that it took cos we look for something extra and we look for something out there in the future as if we need to fix something as if we really miss a wing but its very very simple and its very very ooordinary and it’s very very natural no it’s nothing special
3.
Not Knowing 03:58
When I don’t believe my thoughts and I don’t try to fill that wide open gap Would I have a clue what I’m supposed to do Being vulnerable and unprotected Being open for the unsuspected Its not what we would choose We’re so afraid to lose The courage comes from that not knowing The courage to acknowledge what is really here not knowing has been believed to be a weakness but it is a well of strength and power beyond all fear No You don’t know how to live Is there a willingness to feel and sense what is here? Even when there is fear? No one else can tell you how it is for you Yes you are alone in this great unknown But courage comes from that not knowing The courage to acknowledge what is really here not knowing has been believed to be a weakness but it is a well of strength and power beyond all fear Instead of trying to fit in you can live, express and feel whatever’s true for you #g Even-if-you-don’t-know-what-to-do Life will always challenge how you think that it should be Until its clear to us till the moment we can see That courage comes from that not knowing The courage to acknowledge what is really here not knowing has been believed to be a weakness but it is a well of strength and power beyond all fear
4.
All this trying and failing so much denying and wailing Fed up with seeking and hiding analysing and dividing It takes a A courageous warrior a courageous warrior a courageous warrior of the heart All that hoping and waiting never arriving so frustrating Fed up with lying no more tricks no more running nothing to fix It takes a A courageous warrior a courageous warrior a courageous warrior to meet what’s here no limitations and no control nothing to get nothing to hold nothing to lose nothing to know”….. nothing to win no final goal It takes a A courageous warrior a courageous warrior a courageous warrior to face the void A courageous warrior a courageous warrior a courageous warrior of the heart
5.
Just a Play 03:07
Every experience will pass A love once felt seems to be lost Thought comes in with this or that The bliss makes space for feeling flat Were holding on to at all cost It’s so simple it’s bizarre Love is ‘Who you really are’ Love is Freedom Love is Truth Love is Consciousness it’s you You’re not that old repertoire There is nothing outside of love There is only you everywhere you look Everything you touch Every experience It is all a play in you There’s sometimes clarity sometimes smoke You’re sometimes rich you’re sometimes broke You’re going up you’re feeling down You looked so great but now you drown Can’t you see it’s all a joke (because) There is nothing outside of love There is only you everywhere you look Everything you touch Every experience It is all a play in you There is nothing outside of love There is only you everywhere you look Everything you touch Every experience It is all a play in you It is all a play in you It is just a game in you
6.
Already Free 04:31
you are not the one who was brought up you are not the one who feels caught up you are not the one who can get stuck you are not the one who is having bad luck look at the prison walls what are they made of can’t you see that you’re already free freedom ’s not dependent on any circumstances freedom ’s not dependent on luck or any chances freedom ’s not dependent on who you’re with or how you feel freedom ’s not dependent on what you do or if you’re healed look at the prison walls what are they made of can’t you see that you’re already free That doesn’t mean that you don’t feel whatever human stuff gets touched. But you can’t understand that for the mind it seems all too much even when you are completely touched and you don’t feel free you are the one that’s never touched you are the one that sees you are not the one who was brought up you are not the one who feels caught up you are not the one who can get stuck you are not the one who is having bad luck look at the prison walls what are they made of can’t you see that you’re already free
7.
8.
9.
10.
You sit on the fence and look at the sky You’ve listened to lies Your life ’s passing by You cry all day long They’ve treated me wrong and long for the night to give up the fight Tell me why Tell me why Why? Nobody will help you to build up your life So don’t wait too long Your time will be gone So gather some courage to build your own life Start using your wings and pull your own strings You can fly You will fly High [Chorus] Fly over the mountains that prevented you from going High Make your own choice and listen to your own voice You can wait for a change or good times to come but you can be sure your time will be done So get up and walk and grope in the dark at least you can say I went my own way I’m alive alive alive [Chorus] Fly over the mountains that prevented you from going High Make your own choice and listen to your own voice
11.
Don’t get stuck In what feels safe It’s like a drug but you’re not a slave Take the risk to step out your comfort zone and stand alone Let it all fall apart and live the freedom that you are Take the risk to let down your guard Out of your head straight into your heart What you can build can crumble down Even a king will lose his crown What you think you know has already changed Every order Will be rearranged So Let it all fall apart and live the freedom that you are Take the risk to let down your guard Out of your head straight into your heart You desperately try to keep It all together but stormy weather Blows it all apart Listen to your heart It whispers now Very loud Let it all fall apart and live the freedom that you are Take the risk to let down your guard Out of your head straight into your heart
12.
Have you ever had the sense that none of this is real? That life is some weird trip how lost can you feel? Do you remember the time you could sense the freedom of life a space so immense? If you felt sad you simply cried Happiness or fear nothing denied But we have collected some silly ideas entrenched in our thoughts about what it all means this prison of me how I am or should be we forgot it’s a play a dramatic comedy But it’s just pretence You’re still that innocence You don’t fit in a box What a paradox We just pretend we have forgotten who we are In my self created world I am the number one superstar My pretentious castle has been build on the clouds It doesn’t bring me safety it can bring only more doubts But I don’t know how else to survive in this strange play Cause I don’t know who I am, I don’t know any other way It can seem depressing this meaningless life It takes your ambitions, your goals and your drive But Truth is the freedom to be everything Thought is the servant but you are the king It is a great relief to get the joke of it there’s nothing to achieve Cause this is it
13.
On the day the body dies there’s no space left for illusions or lies There are no more reasons to deny When it’s time to close my eyes It is time to give back everything I’ve borrowed Nothing’s mine when there’s no tomorrow

about

A few years ago a friend said to me, just take one of Unmani’s Satsangs and put it on music. A good idea but I knew it would not be as simple as that. Yet this album is the result of two years of songwriting in which I started to merge Unmani’s expression with my music. Unmani is my wife and a well known teacher and writer. In my lyrics I started to combine Unmani’s expression with the expression of visitors and participants of her meetings and retreats, and with my own life experience. I feel inspired by Unmani’s words and have a lot of passion to turn them into music. In return Unmani gets inspired by my music so it really works as a feedback loop. Sometimes music reaches our heart where the spoken word does not. And of course, it is essentially a wonderful way to express myself.
I started recording the album in January in India and it took me the whole of 2017 to finish this album. It covers the different styles of music which have inspired me during my life. I wrote some pieces for classical guitar but I also recorded a blues rock song. Sometimes I had a clear picture of what the song should sound like and other times it had to grow and unfold itself step by step. I hired some musicians who coloured this album in a way that I couldn’t have done on my own. Yet I couldn’t deny the way I actually play the songs in public. That is just me singing and accompanying myself on the guitar. That’s why I completed the album with two ‘Live’ recordings to give you a taster of how I play at the end of Unmani’s meetings and on stage.
I didn’t try to make a spiritual sounding album. There are so many spiritual sounding albums already. And there are more ways to express the truth of what we are than only through mantra’s and ambient music. These are great of course, but not my choice for this album. I liked to use the musical styles that I’ve been playing throughout my life. Above all I returned back to the classical guitar for the album. I love the diversity of the instrument. But I also didn’t deny my roots in Rock and Blues.
It is not a purely a Non-Dual album, whatever Non-Duality is anyway. Or Advaita Vedanta, which is the same to me. The lyrics are about that what I meet in life, that which touches me, and inspires me. These are the things I’ve tried to translate in my songs. I love the focus that Unmani’s expression gives me but I don’t let it limit or box me. There is only one song that I didn’t write during the last two years. And that is also the only song that I didn’t write all by myself. I wrote it with a friend, Marcel Visser, about twenty years ago. The song is called Pull Your Own Strings. I wrote the lyrics when I was going through big shifts in my life. I kept singing it throughout the years, and it is one of the things that has brought me here.

credits

released January 1, 2018

All songs have been written by Robert Hanuman except Pull Your Own Strings. That song has been written by Robert Hanuman and Marcel Visser.

Musicians in no particular order:
Meyo, USA - Keyboards on 1 and 11
Davey Copeland, Canada - Violin on 3 and 5
Kristina Perez Duha, Brazil - Backing Vocals on 1 and 6
Brian R. Petry - USA, Drums on 1 and 11
Alex Paclin, USA - Harmonica on 11
Alan Reynolds, UK - Bass on 1, 6 and 11
Yann Marc, France - Cello on 10
Bertus Pater, The Netherlands - Backing Vocals on 10 and 11
Ben Juul, USA - Drums on 6
Pascal Lenormand, France - Accordion on 4
Robert Hanuman, The Netherlands - All guitars and vocals on all songs, classical guitar on all instrumentals, backing vocals on 5, keyboards on 10, rasp, tambourine and tuba sampling on 2.

All songs have been mixed and mastered by Undergunned Productions, Canada, except 6 has been mixed by Tone Hill Studio, Ben Juul, USA

Robert Hanuman has been recording in:
1. Trinity Music House, Mapusa, Goa, India
2. The BlueRoom, Edgware, London, UK
3. Studio De Zoete Inval, Banne Buiksloot, Amsterdam Noord, The Netherlands

Artwork: Reinier Pater

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Robert Hanuman Netherlands

I started playing the guitar at the age of 12. I studied at the Conservatory of The Hague. But lacking in self-confidence I stopped to become a nurse. The theme of not listening to my own voice is reflected throughout my songs. After my struggle of never fitting into society, I came full circle back to my beloved classical guitar and started writing my own songs based on my wife Unmani's words. ... more

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